I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize