His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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