oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
