You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
