As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
