you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
