I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
