He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
