I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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