I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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