Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
