the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize