just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i came on her dog
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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