The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
