we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
