Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
