Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
