somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
