I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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