i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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