I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
