Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
