Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
