i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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