too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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