She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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