I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
