I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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