I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize