how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
