i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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