Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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