Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
