i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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