I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
