i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
