If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
