ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
