i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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