walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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