I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
