terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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