I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
