i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
