and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
