You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
