i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
