I wish my penis had an off switch
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize