I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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