I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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