he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
