Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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