OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
