The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
