I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
