Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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