I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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