On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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