i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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