went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
