Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
