he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
