If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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