Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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