i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
